Homesick (or) I would walk 2660 miles just to be with you tonight

You know how when you’re a kid and you go off to summer camp and you get sort of homesick? Okay bad analogy because one I was happiest at camp and two I got campsick after a week back at home. Yet when I moved out of my parents’ house, something changed. The only way to explain is to well explain and hope it is understandable. I left this place that I hated this prison I felt myself in and yet at the same time when I came back for a visit, it wasn't the same.

-Now it wasn't just because in the three months I had been gone they turned my room into a workshop and the other room into an office pretty much (even without their knowledge) making it clear that should I want to stay and not return from San Francisco (another topic for another day) I would have to find my own way.

Sorry back to what I was saying, it wasn't the same physically but the atmosphere had changed as well. It was no longer home. Sure it was a house that my parents sort of assured me I was always welcome in, but that home feeling, that go into the fridge whenever, shower at two a.m., cry your heart out as loudly as you possibly can, feeling was gone. I felt so displaced, so lost and I was truly homeless despite the rooms I rented. The only place I feel at home is in an old beat up ford truck with the person I love at the wheel. I am returning to my parents’ house, and know that even then even when I get some semblance of a room it still won't feel like it once did. There are too many ghosts of years past, but it is the responsible thing to do and I would rather live with the haunting past then to hinder the beautiful future I could have with my beautiful girl. So the one place for now I will happily call home is that old truck with my girl at the wheel.

(Is this better? )

*Look Forward*

Someday I will own a home with my girlfriend. Nothing too big, but also not small. She wants a pool, I want a garden and a one story house (moving into a two story is not fun). I want kids she wants dogs, there are things to work through. Yet I know that once we finally have a place of our own in a town of our choice (that of course has a good public transit system) it will be stable. It will be full of love always, because whenever we are tired and feel at odds with each other our pasts will remind us to, never go to bed angry, and always remember those young girls who fell in love with each other in that long ago December. So I guess the house or the location aren't that important,(though a nice house in Pasadena couldn't hurt either eh? :P )but just feeling at home in OUR home will be more than enough.