Tonight for some weird reason I felt compelled to look up old classmates and old best friends. I think perhaps its because I am again for the upteenth time at this point where I can choose to change my life for the better or for the harder. This time though I feel that this is it, my last chance to grow up. Back to the subject at hand. I found those old classemates, more importantly my old best friends, which is sorta strange to see because out of them all I am the only one gone. They are off at college (together) and one is married and pregnant. Its really strange to think that one slight difference and my whole life would be different right now. Never introducing my mother to net dating, would have altered my course. Yet I am ecstatic that I did introduce my mom to the internet. Even through all this weirdness and yes a little sadness(only for not keeping in touch, not for leaving) I know that this is where i am supposed to be in life, so I may not be successful at the moment or be the prettiest. I have one thing that might sound corny but most sadly don't have it, thats love. I truly believe that love has saved my soul, and my life. I have reason to grow up, I have reason to go to work, to finish school, to make something of myself, not for money or fame or eternal glory but to make myself and the person I love more than the world proud of me. The only piece of advice that I will ever take from my father is not to do anything in spite. These are his only words I believe because he lived his whole life in it, his goals achieved because of it, he raised me in it, and his work addiction was thanks to it, everything was done out of spite. He has loads of cash, sure but cash is cold. I must remember though that success is good, its the ego thats bad. Out of all of my friends I turned out to be the stastic, but from better more peaceful life choices I will rise from these ashes of spite and spring forth the strong successful driven woman i have always envisioned myself!
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