i got my ass handed to me sorta

so I went to the gym today and I feel fucking fantabulous. It was a great work out but I know I can do better and I will I am determined to do 10 push ups so I can teach someone yoga ;) I got home took a shower and thought clearly it was nice. I have a few questions I want answered but then again I don't. I am trying so hard to fix myself I can't wait to be someone that others will want to play with again especially that someone. I know no one reads this blog so that thought is a little freeing. Also my fear level is going down and my determination to make my life the best damned life it can be is going up. I haven't even taken the test yet but my self esteem is already going up. No longer will I self defeat, and i haven't made a bullshit excuse in a month and a half not even to myself. There is apart of me that feels like i am making huge strides and another part that doesn't. its that latter part though that keeps me moving because I know if i settle for even a moment it will take over and all will be lost. I may have started all this for someone else but I am finishing what I started for me because its time that I fufill the dreams that have yet to be fulfilled it is time that i move on from my past and it is time that no matter what happens in my life I must know that I will be okay that I must take responsiblity for me and stop depending on others to make me feel good about myself. It is time that my inner child shut up and let me grow up and let me have healthy relationships. I am one in this world but not because people don't love me or because I don't have the best gf in the whole world no I am one in that I am a strong independent woman thats right woman who will stop at nothing to achieve her goals.