Broken thoughts that are longer than 140 characters

Today I woke to find myself close to tears and I don't know why. Ya its probably just left over angst from my teenage years, but still I can't seem to shake it.

I had another "oh my god I can't believe it moment!" yesterday I hugged her and just wanted to continue to feel her on me. Still after three years I can't believe I fell in love, moreover I can't believe she fell in love with me. I am currently trying to uncover my former self. Sorta like an archeoligist digging for fossils. Not the bad characteristics but the ones that made her fall in love with me in the first place. I am giving space and trying to get cool calm collect again, instead of zany and crazy although they have their place too. It isn't that I am not good enough the way I am but i should try to keep the person she loves in play not the crazy teenager in love. You know that girl that makes you want to puke because every word out of her mouth is about her beau when she used to have intelligent thoughts and could express them.

I really feel like dancing, I want to go to a club and just go at it, but alas I am not old enough for the good clubs and have no one who wants to go...Poo!

I have been many places in the last four years and still I find I am unhappy anywhere without her.... I have had enough of jetsetting! (morningwood)

AHH i need to cook, it has been a whole week since anything has come out of my kitchen. Well I did make cornbread that she loved but I wanna make a meal, and have her just love it she can't stop eating or kissing me lol

if i lost you i would be living dead... I had a dream that could be subconciously telling me that my demons I have to constantly fight are losing and are no longer a threat to her and I am relieved he is finally gone she helped see that I could win I owe her my life.


where has the kink gone, I am not holding anything back from this blog anymore. Really I wanna know where has that girl gone. I must find her find, I must because she is a part of myself that was okay with accepting pure pleasure without guilt without apology and without regard for tomorrow and only saw herself the way she looks in her head, Sexy, irrisistable and ready to submit.

I like moving my body, i can't sit still and yet all i long for is to be still and at peace.

I used to have a passion for human rights, for social equality and making sure that everyone saw it in their lifetime. It isn't that I don't feel that anymore it's just my hope in people has dwindled over the years I guess.

These are the many sides of me and there are many more but no peeking!

*Look Forward*

Hopefully I will find peace someday, I want to find a coven and finally feel like the god and goddess are truly in me and that I am part of something bigger than myself.